Sunday 2nd May

I'm off to bed in a minute, as soon as I've done this, I've had a long and somewhat exhausting day. Why? AskSam is why - its a new database system I've downloaded, and getting to grips with it is - well I'm sure you know. Any type of programming, they tell you oh it's so easy, oh it works so well, oh it's supermarvellous.. and I've no doubt that it will be, once I've learnt how to use it.
The basic idea is that I have to have a database in which to store records of miracles, the records of which I can then do marvellous things with that will be the making of my dissertation. After consultation with the tutor of RRSH - who's particularly good at this kind of thing, I'm constructing a trial database, to make sure the bloody thing works properly before I start stacking records into it. Hence the flapping about with AskSam, which I think is actually askSam.com, but never mind that - the thing is askSam is a database system designed to work with text. You can store masses of words in it, and it counts them, it can use boolean operators etc, and I'm sort of hoping that by using this, I can avoid the whole coding issue. Coding is a particular hate of mine, ok, you can turn yes, no and not stated into code relatively easily - either that or have 3 columns, but you try devising a code for stuff like the use of oil in miracles. Death, prior, during or after the miracles has occurred - you'd be amazed how many apparently successful recipients of miracles drop dead six months later. For the earlier database I used Excel, which works, provided you code appropriately or use hundreds of columns, but I'm thinking - no coding, no headache! Still I'm not sure. I know no one else who's used this, and the bloody thing has crashed on me twice in the last 8 hours. It can crash as much as it likes right now, it has one record in it, but if it crashed when I've got it stacked with records - ha. No way. I should point out here that I'm using the trial version, and probably not terribly well at the moment, let's not cast aspersions on what's probably a perfectly good product. Still come on here Tess, I've had it for 24 hours so far, and I've got the database, and an entry form to put the data on to - it's looks a bit tatty at the moment, but I can tidy that up should I decide to go with it. And the other thing about this is that I can also use it to construct a searchable database of quotes, a particularly attractive thing to have when it comes to writing up.

So what else have I been doing this week? Well I can now tell the full and unexpurgated story of the interview for a 'job' I had this week. I found this 'job' on the jobshop website, so phoned them up - it's a simple little sales job for a jewellery shop in fairly central Glasgow. I phoned them up and that seemed to go ok, and had to go along to see them on - lord I've forgotten what day of the week it was now, my heads so full of askSam! Thursday I think. Anyhow this shop wasn't where I thought it was, but in a far more dubious part of town. And can I tell you when I saw it, my first instinct was to turn tail and run, the fascia was all rundown, the window was only what half stocked - and when I got inside! This is not a shop that sells new stock, it sells old stock, it's not a pawnshop, I don't think there's any returning of stuff, but the other rather peculiar thing was there didn't seem to be much to sell. Let's just say my spidey senses were tingling. The place was no bigger than one of the cupboards in my flat ( bar work, waiting, that kind of thing. When I conceived of this whole thing in the first place, back in the dim and distant, securely employed past, I did my usual thing of telling myself that its a big city and tenement flats have very large 'cupboards' that are made out of what were the old Victorian bedspaces - check out the Tenement Flat museum site, they're bound to have pictures!) I mean literally this place could have been installed in my clothes cupboard. Anyhow having gone in here, and met the people who were running it, who I should say seemed perfectly legit as far as I could tell - had an 'interview' of all of about 7 minutes. He then says oh I'll either phone you on Sunday or not bother to phone if you've not got the job. Frankly that was ok by me, because I thought he's not going to offer me any part of this job, so what the hell. And of course he didn't, and I'm extremely relieved. After all, what the - well I was going to say what the hell would I do then, but there's no what the hell about it, I would have politely declined. And I'm sure that he must have known that, because he didn't offer me anything. I'm not in the least upset about it, beyond that I was foolish enough to actually go for this in the first place, but then it's what I'm looking for. A few days or so regular, non-demanding work that'll bring me in a bit of income. One that's not going to distract me too far from my miracle collecting. In fact I'd more than happily sit on a till in a supermarket for 8 hours of the day, if there were any supermarkets looking for staff - alas, Glasgow is deeply entrenched in recession, Scotland itself has only just emerged in this current sector about 3 months behind the rest of the UK. So there are just not that many jobs around, and the one's that are, are more suited to the young, thin and glamorous - ie there'd be plenty of work. Well it's a big city alright, only not so much work. Still, this past week has got me a bit more in the swing of it, and even this little interview has to a certain extent demonstrated that I need to brush up a bit on my interview techniques. Can't say I did that good a job of selling myself as the ideal assistant, but that's probably more down to be somewhat gobsmacked at what I'd walked into! Something will turn up. It always does, and in the meantime, yes... askSam!

Sunday 25th April

I say the 25th, but in reality it's Monday, and I should be saying 26th - but I'm off to bed in a minute, so ya boo sucks to that. I've spent most of today scrabbling around on Youtube, digging out just so many old video tracks - my arm hurts with clicking the mouse!!!

And have I done anything else? I took the rubbish out, I've done a bit of light cleaning and washing, the usual weekend stuff. Last week, I took the bull by the horns and went to the jobcentre to look for work - basically that's a great big HA! in the face. No work to be had, as far as I could see. I've been doing some reading, thinking about starting off my new Miricle database - yes, really must get that moving, so yep, Monday I shall start that off.

And that's been this week, not much to say really.. maybe next week will be more exciting.
And oh yes, I had my hair cut. But I feel like I've said enough about that already on FB, thanks for all the nice comments guys!

Saturday 17th April

Well, this time last week I'd rather thought that I was going to be hosting Abby's visit, but the volcano cloud has put paid to that. Nevertheless, the fact that this has had to be delayed - we've rearranged another date, but some of the things you hear about this cloud make you wonder if we're not in for some kind of wierd dark age with no air travel for months - has got me off my backside, and I've now got a benefits appointment for next week. It would have been a hair appointment as well, but the salon I've chosen isn't open until midweek so, well, maybe this is telling me something and I should choose another salon. I'm not a good getting a haircut person, I really dislike it, principally because I have to take my glasses off which means I'm sat there squinting at the mirror where I can see a blob moving around my head but not a single smidge of what the blob is actually doing. I know that I really really upset my last hairdresser, who gave me a brilliant cut, but couldn't figure out why I was sitting apparently stony faced throughout the whole thing, and I'm not sure he believed me when I told him that I couldn't see a thing he was doing. This time I'll make sure that I tell them before they start. Maybe they'll give me a chance to pop the glasses back on, so I can actually see what they're up to. Some chance of that, in my experience. Anyway it's got to be cut, it's never been this long and it does nothing, absolutely nothing for me. I want something short and spikey, and with the summer coming up, that can be washed daily.

So back to the benefits experience. It's got to be what, ten years since I last claimed benefits? Interesting this, I decided since I didn't know where the job centre was I'd google it, and ended up on Ugov, or whatever they call it, and phoned the hotline - really interestingly, this meant that I got a sort of mini-interview on the phone, where they took my basic details and fixed me up an appointment - the girl I spoke to was very nice, none of your usual flapping about with 'how do you spell that?' or 'You live where?' with a totally blank response to Glasgow!!! And to judge by the sound Newcastle accent, clearly they are based in this country and haven't been exported to India. Not that I've got anything against India, don't get me wrong, I just - like most of us I expect - think that no matter how much educating those places do, someone who lives in England tends to know the cities and towns far better, and you get a clearer phone line. You're never going to be able to speak to someone thousands of miles away as clearly as you can speak to someone about a hundred miles away - is that anti-phone line-ist? I don't care. One of the worst in my experience was Virgin, who actually provide phone lines, and you couldn't hear or be heard clearly ever. Mind you working in a call centre is ghastly, I'm pretty sure I read an interview with a union guy earlier this week, election thing, but he called call centres the modern equivalent of the dark satanic mills, and by god he's right. I've never worked in places like them, and I've no doubt that I shall probably end up in one again, but dear god they are awful places to work. Mind you I'd settle for work right now, any kind of work, but what can I do? Short of moving to India that is.

Anyway, so I spoke to the woman on the phone, and I'm off to Parkhead Job Centre next week. It'll be a novel experience, but I'm hoping that it'll bring me in a few extra pounds a week, either that, or of course, find me a job. Now there's a novelty. I know the sort of thing I'd do, I know the sorts of things that I'm good at, and no one's going to force me into bar work or any kind of manual labour. Bar work would have me - well, lets face it, I don't think anyone's going to employ me on bar work anyway, I'm no fresh faced eighteen year old, which is what most bars in Glasgow are looking for. A pub would be a different thing, a nice quiet pub, now that I'd willingly do, but I'm not going to be selling myself into fifteen hour shifts that finish at three in the morning. I have to say as well, I'm not fond of what alcohol does to people. So what does that leave me, well I really wouldn't mind a bit of shop work. I know it's tough on the feet, but I think I could hack that, and although manual labour isn't exactly my thing, I can manage a bit of shelf filling. It's not exactly the sort of thing that screams out as a good job, but for a student a few hours a week sitting on a till wouldn't be far short of a good job, especially if it was for one of the big supermarkets where there might be a chance of a bit of overtime when I needed it, and it offered me a regular wage packet. No I wouldn't mind that at all. I think the chances of something like housing work or whatever for the council is a non-runner, they're pretty much on the brink of having to make tons of people redundant. I don't think that they're hiring at all. I've been applying for stuff that pops up on these internet search sites, but I don't know. Nothing much seems to come from that. Signs of the times, eh? I always thought that living in a big city like Glasgow would give you a good chance of being able to find work, but times have changed, and there's not been much about really ever since I got here. But summer's coming, and it's not just the money angle of all this, I need something that's going to get me out of the house every now and again, make a few friends who aren't going to be off home and that sort of thing. So I'll tell you how it goes when I've been there.. what's that old Chinese proverb.. oh yes, interesting times. Yep, we're living in interesting times. Changeable at any rate.

Saturday 10th April

I'm sitting here thinking what do I have to blog about... and I can't say that anything springs to mind with that instant let's do this, or do that... Villa lost to Chelsea in the FA cup - no Match of the Day on Scottish tv.. bored now.

Boredom. How does one deal with boredom? I could get out my beads and put together a few bookmarks, which I haven't done for a while. When my essay deadlines got to 'breathing on the back of my neck' I closed the shop and haven't re-opened it yet. I should do that but perhaps not until the week after next. I could get a book and read - which I probably will do when I've finished this, but to be honest I'm a tad read out at the mo, I'm currently making my way through.. let me see, Saints and their Miracles in Late Antique Gaul. I feel the urge for something a little bit more fiction-y.
I watched Harry Potter and the whatever it was on the box tonight. Now this was moderately interesting as I hadn't seen it before, and it did strike me that Daniel Radcliff - Harry - hasn't exactly sprung up inch-wise has he. Probably just a slow developer, either that or Ron is now six feet five inches. Perhaps that's a bit more likely! Anyhow it was the usual thing, you know I was going to say Harry gets into trouble, Harry gets rescued, Harry goes home from school. But it wasn't really, I suppose because they're getting towards the end and Harry must at some point kill off Voldermort? Does Harry kill Voldermort? I'm fairly sure I must have read the last book, but it hasn't stuck that well in my memory. Actually I'm presently re-reading Ursula Le Guin's Left Hand of Darkness, which is very good indeed. Genly Ai is in Mishnory, and he and the ex-Prime Minister are about to have to make a run for the ice. Anyone who's read this will know what I'm talking about, and those of you who haven't - who knows, you might be sufficiently mystified to find out! Ok, not, but you know what I mean.

But of course the very mention of the words Prime Minister - whether ex or not, brings me to the election. Yes. Very yes indeed. Picture me frowning here, drawing in the metaphorical breath, and letting it out with great slowness. I have to physically restrain myself, because they make me so Goddam Angry!!!!! No I can't this is the third time I've deleted what comes below because I don't want to make personal remarks that might offend - you see that's the sort of person that I am. In part it's why I hate this campaign, the offensiveness of it all. The fact that these people - from all sides, I'm not being favouritist about this, a good lot of them from pretty much all sides, seem to think it's acceptable behaviour to insult each other, and each other's opinions in loud voices. I wouldn't find that acceptable behaviour in a person that I knew, and if someone persisted in doing it in front of me, I would likely as not, eventually tell them so. If I was forced to continue associating with them, that is, the most likely result first and foremost is that I wouldn't continue to associate with them. Every one has a right to say what they think, but they should do so calmly, and without insulting the person whose opinions they are criticising. Critique is a valuable skill that can take a bit of learning, in an academic setting, and all of these people have some degree of education, why can't they practise what they've been taught? And can someone tell me why, or even when, it became acceptable to fight a general election campaign whilst avoiding telling the truth about what you intend to do should you be elected? God knows, every time Brown starts suggesting that Labour intend to reform the House of Lords, I find myself asking well didn't you say you were going to do that back in 1997, and wasn't that one of the reasons, if not the chief reason that I personally became very un-fond of Blair, and very hopeful that Brown would carry out the mandate that I was under the impression that he had been given? I fully expected Labour to go a good way towards dissolving the Lords entirely, and turn it into a fully elected house but no, apparently not. So I don't get best pleased when they bring it up because I'm reasonably sure that they've got no intentions of actually doing this should they be elected, and it's a ploy to the Lib Dems should they find themselves in a hung parliament. As for the idea that Brown might bring in proportional representation, well I'm reasonably sure that I've heard him dismiss the idea in the past. I could be wrong, he might have had an epiphany, but I doubt it.

As for the Tories.. don't get me started. The amount of what might be described as tactical untruths that they are coming out with at the moment is beyond belief. Why exactly should I, a single woman, who has been single all of her life, spend my tax pounds on supporting married couples? I'm almost tempted to say that should such a thing happen, I shall try to refuse, or reclaim it. I think it's an appalling, disgusting, divisive idea. I think it shows exactly what sort of people you're dealing with here, people who like the idea that some sort of ceremony makes a difference. It's so 1950s. Worse, it's 1940s. Incidentally if you're out there spluttering that they say they're going to pay for it with a banking surcharge, let me remind you that that's going to happen what, once? If they had any intention of continuing a surcharge on over a long term period, they'd go for the Robin Hood tax, which would at least do some good.
And the Lib Dems. I'm not entirely sure why they didn't elect Vince Cable as leader, but I feel it's another example of them shooting themselves in the foot, probably - must have been a result of the Ming debacle. Mind you, had they done so - elected Vince Cable that is, then he wouldn't have been able to be a potential chancellor in a hung parliament, which is what I for one, am devoutly hoping for. We're up the river, and the paddle's floating out of view, with rapids to the left of us, brambles to the right, and sharks snapping at the sinking canoe. We all know this people. We know that there will have to be massive cuts to public services, but I'll be damned if I don't point out that the Conservatives are the natural representatives of the very people who got us into this mess in the first place, not the Labour Party, but the bloody bankers. They keep droning on about their list of business leaders who support them, and the Labour Party left it to the LibDems to remind people that these are people who earn millions of pounds, and are now telling you loudly that £15 a month is too much for them to pay to keep you in work. Thats the reality behind all this. It makes me sick, it really does, the longer this goes on the less I feel like actually voting at all, but that won't stop me. And to be really honest, although I'd like to say you should go vote Labour, I'd rather that you actually go and vote for the Tories rather than not vote at all. Do that and we could end up with the BNP, and that frankly will give me apoplexy. I shall stop now...

Wednesday 8th April

Had a nice chat with my sister this evening - sadly one of her little dogs has passed away. She's very upset. The vet had told her that the dog had a terminal condition, and given her pills for the dog which were supposed to maybe give little dog another six months or so, two weeks later, little dog has died. This in and of itself is sad, but unremarkable, except for the fact that this is an almost identical repeat of what happened to my friend Abby's last dog - again, terminal condition, vet gives pills and say may give another six months, two weeks later, the dog has passed. Like I said to Jo, clearly this is a way that vets give people time to adjust to the shock and trauma of loosing a much loved pet. Still, I have to say, Doris was a very sweet little dog, never gave anyone a moments trouble, or anything but unconditional love. She'll be much missed, not least by her sister, Tilly, who also lives with my sister. Poor old Tilly is very confused and upset right now, because her sister has suddenly disappeared. It's such a shame that you can't explain to an animal, that they don't understand the implications of future events. Poor old girl. I remember when Jo first got them, two tiny, tiny puppies, far too small to have been taken from their mother but they got them from the RSPCA I think, so perhaps something had happened to their mother. They both made it through, Doris, frankly in somewhat better condition than Tilly, who seems to have a canine version of ocd. She now even recognises the spelt out version of B.A.L.L. If you stood and threw the ball for her to chase and bring back, you would be the first to drop, before Tilly lost interest.

Tomorrow I think I'm off to the library, check back in with a few books, and I dare say take a few more out. I must make a start on my reading, and devise a means to store possible quotes for the dissertation. I need some more of those big hard back notebooks, and some highlighters too I think. And yes, another wretched ream of printer paper. Stationery is becoming the bane of my existence, no sooner have I bought the stuff than I've run out of something and need to replace it. Oh well. Nose to the grindstone and all that.

Friday April 2nd

God April already.. it's true what they say about time going by faster the older you get. Blink and it was Christmas. And what was the first thing I noticed about April? It was snowing outside. Ha! for spring, eh?
Actually I went into town today - a bit more about that later, but I have to admit the snow we have seen has not hung around, unlike the rest of Scotland, which has had such serious falls that a coach went off the road taking kids on a school trip to Alton Towers, and one poor girl has died. The tv coverage was horrendous, you would have thought it was either the middle of December or January. There had to be at least two feet of snow. Terrible business.

So anyway when I went out today, about what, one, one thirty, it was just beautiful. Lovely sunny day, even a few flowers of some description coming through on the bit of grass before you get to the Royal Infirmary - it's a bleak spot up Alexandra Parade, major road intersection ahead of you, motorway to the right, and one of the worst new build flat developments I've seen for a good while - and there were these little yellow flowers amid a scrap of grass badly in need of a mow. Whether they were daffs, croci or whatever I couldn't see, but they were yellow and natural in amidst urban blight.

Anyhow I went to town because I needed a new juicer. My old one has given up the ghost, and because it was laminated rather than real stainless steel had even developed some species of rust infection - how is that even possible on laminated plastic??! Well anyhow a new one was required, and I now have a new little juicer, with way bigger capacity - which is good, ultra high speeds - the seeds bounce around even more and if you don't use the feeder tube your chunk of celery can even spit out at you! But if it looks cool and smooth and all the things you want a juicer to be, it fails on one certain test, the one you never think to ask about in the shop. It makes a noise like... like... I've never heard before, it screeches in the upper register at an alarming level of decibels. What my upstairs neighbours must think I'm up to, God alone knows. In fact, I've just remembered where I've heard that sort of noise before, from the frogs that Poggle used to bring in to Mum's house, the one's you had to go and discover cowering behind the fridge in absolute terror because the big furry thing was trying to tear them limb from limb. Great, my neighbours now think I'm a frog torturer. No, just juicing, people. Nothing to see here but a very nice glass of beetroot and celery juice.

Yes, I'm sort of trying to loose weight. In fact if I needed any more persuasion, I caught an apalling glimpse of myself in the background of a photo someone took at Keith's birthday party the other week, and there I was, a vision in vastness. So I'm even more determined now, even if I did buy cake at the supermarket today. Hell it's Easter people!!! Cut out everything I like and I'll go ape and scoff an entire cake in one go or something dreadful. No, for me to loose weight, I have to increase the fibre content of what I'm eating, and slowly and gradually cut down on the stuff that's not good for me. And I've been doing a bit of reading and so on, so I'm upping the rather odd combo of beetroot and celery, which are very good for you, not to mention cutting down on the meat, and upping the fish. I like a bit of fish - just as well really, and I've managed to find a brand where I can get the fish in those nice little boil in the bag sachets without half a pound of butter in them to accompany the fillet. I had a dinner in the week, where I marinated my little bit of salmon in a mix of finely grated ginger, lemon juice, a garlic clove and a bit of soy sauce, and well, frankly I could have eaten it raw, because what else is a - oh I've forgotten the name, but you can actually cook fish in lemon juice without heat going anywhere near it. Mum used to do it every now and again, and it was quite a regular thing in the theatre kitchens. Anyhow I had this with some broadbeans, beetroot, peppers and cucumber, on a bed of leaves - it was delish, let me tell you. But there's only so much beetroot you can eat on a day in, day out basis, hence the juicing.

So, the essay is done and dusted - uploaded that is, and can be put aside until the mark comes back.. (the noise you hear are my knees knocking...!) so I've turned my attention to the construction of my dissertation database. In order to do this, I have to construct the questions that I want to ask, and set it all up before I can start collecting the information. Trust me, there's nothing worse than getting in to it before realising you need to add something to it, and go back to all of your previous records and add in the extra information. And if I've got say 800 records, frankly, damn near impossible. Well it would be a lot of hard work. So to save all of that, I want a near perfect list of questions before I start, and I've been thinking about this on and off ever since I constructed my little test database for the proposal. I reckon I've got about twelve months to do this in, giving myself six months to write up, but of course in the interim of this, I have another two terms of full on study to get done, so you could really say I've probably got closer to eight months to collect it all in. I want this database to work well, and to be comprehensively stocked with records. I need to get a good filing system organised to, all that sort of thing. Lord if it isn't finish one set of work, start up with another... I'm taking this week off. I've told myself I'm taking this weekend and next week off - Abby is coming to visit, and stuff like that - but here I am, one day into my week off, and what do I find myself doing at about nine o'clock? Writing questions for the database of course. Yee Gods!

Monday 29th March

Might be April in a week, but right now there's an inch of wet snow accumulating outside, and I've had to put the heating on. Yuck. More snow to come too if the weather forecasts are right.
So... uni. Up until about 5 pm I've been working like a mad thing on my gender essay, and up until say what 4.55, I've was pretty happy with it, I was thinking well I'll read it through again and then.. if I feel ok, I'll upload it. Then - via Facebook of all things, a sort of rumour come info from friends suggested there was a mass extension on the cards - checked my uni email account, and yep, the deadline's been extended until Friday. So much for having worked like a dog across the weekend! The worst thing about this is essentially I could tear the whole thing up and start again - no... please no, or I can spend the rest of the week ruining what I already have by taking out snippets and adding bits to it.
Actually what I'm going to do is to take a day off from it, and construct myself another passage which I think has relevence on the Beguines. So it will all be to the good, particularly the bit about getting away from it. I'll be fresh and can look at what I've written with clear eyes. Or so I hope at any rate.
As for the presentation, under the circumstances I feel it went as well as could be expected. These blasted powerpoint things basically just serve to distract you - mine came up without the forward and back arrows on it, or at least I couldn't see the forward and back arrows, which feels a great deal more likely. I was standing looking down at a laptop screen, and it was all a bit hazy. Which actually reminds me, I'm supposed to be going for another eye test soon. But anyhow there were no arrows, I got lost in the slides, and what happens, I lost god knows how long out of my time slot trying to get back to where I had formerly been. A presentation that ran bang to the dot of ten minutes every time I'd been through it at home had to be jettisoned wildly, and I just sort of ran through to the end. However, I didn't get a mad surge feeling of panic, which I hope showed, although I was furious about it. And thinking back to it now, I probably should have said something to Mark about it, the fact I couldn't see these wretched arrows probably would count for something. But I ain't the type to go begging for credit or anything much, beyond perhaps castigating most of what I do as being 'wrong' 'bad' or whatever. In fact I do this so much that I feel it's about time I stopped. I think the proposal is sound, and it'll stand or fall on that basically. Besides, I have a feeling that the real key to the whole thing is the dissertation itself.