Sunday 24th June

Oh, a quick blog before bed! What could be better! I've had quite a busy day today - up reasonably early this morning, before putting some holes into some fimo beads I made last night. I put them in the fridge to firm them up overnight but I still don't make good holes yet. Anyhow after I got them in the oven, I did some washing - cleaning up, that kind of thing, before cooking lunch - no not with the beads! After that, I watched an absolutely dreadful Miss Marple film on the tv - Bette Davis must be turning in her grave that she consented to be in such a piece of guff. I way prefer the tv versions!

So this afternoon, I painted up some new pendants I'm making (I'll blog about my mixed media pendants in the future I think) and made some earrings with some fabulous Swarovski that I ordered to make some particular necklaces with. These are made with amazing porcelain pendant pieces that were sent to me by Joan Tucker of Off Centre Productions - check out the website, it's fab! (http://www.offcenterproductions.com)
Anyhow, Joan had sent me some pieces to make into necklaces, and I particularly wanted to use Swarovski with this because of the available colours and the quality of the crystal. Having some left over, I thought I'd use them for earrings for Xmas - yep folks it's that time of year when Xmas production is in full swing. So I've done quite well today - I've done four or so pairs of earrings, I have half finished the first of Joan's necklaces, and made a good start on the second, with a third sort of started, but I wasn't happy with the way that one's going, and will have to rethink it I think. I very much wanted to use copper for it, and for some unknown reason I changed my mind. So now I'm going back to my original thought, and I'm going to use the copper. These thoughts come in to your head for good reasons, and I feel I should have stuck with it.

On top of all this, I've been wrapping and packing a bit - I had a commission to get ready for posting tomorrow, and then two unexpected sales from the Ebay shop! Lovely. Always welcome!
So that's been my Sunday. And now I must get off to bed, get some sleep.

Tuesday 19th June

Well I'm blogging here, but frankly I hardly feel awake enough to be looking at the pretty pictures on Flckr, let alone actually typing this. Nightshifts of course, they knock you off your bodyclock, and it takes days to recover!

I can't think of anything to write about - except for one thing. I was on Flickr today, and I saw some cards that a 'flickrfriend' had made - very attractive, with Victorian musical instruments on. It reminded me of a book I've got tucked away on the bottom shelf - which is not a shelf I visit regualarly, it being for the extra large, and books-that-don't-fit-a-normal-shelf! Edwardian shopping, it's called, I got it years ago, and I can't even remember how or why. It was one of those books you pick up and start looking through, and then you glance up and realise you've been standing there for 30 minutes - and you don't want to stop. Its a collection of illustrations and pages from the Army and Navy Stores Catalogues, that were sent out to all of those people out working in the Empire.

Short diversion here - Let's not get in to the rights and wrongs of Empire, colonisation or any of that. On a personal level, let's just say I disapprove. But the damn thing existed, and I can't go through life pretending my ancestors didn't go about carving up the world for their own convenience. I just don't have to like it, ok? If I could, I'd give them a piece of my mind about it, and no doubt they would dismiss me as the batty old spinster whatever, who is clearly off her head because she never married, poor old thing. Let's just not go there guys!

Back to the catalogue. It's an amazing thing. They were shipping out everything, from corsets to loo paper, to full stoves and grand piano's. Check some of these out...

This is boy's clothing. I mean boys, aged what, 12 - 16? I mean check out the Eton suit there! That's the one with the top hat. And what about the knickerbockers!!!!

These are madam's driving and travelling costumes. You didn't buy a coat back then, you bought a costume. Seriously. If I remember rightly, this particular one came in a new tweed...! And check out that - surely not a whip. It must have been a short stick perhaps used for pointing at things along the way? Anyhow it's not included. You have to provide your own short stick!

This is the well dressed golfer. Startlingly modern I think you'll agree?! But check out the poor chaps bag. He only has three golf clubs..

This, clearly, is the Edwardian equivalent of the stereo system. It has interchangeable tune discs (I think) and no doubt had the bright young things who were the adult children of the above, all jitterbugging like crazy in the drawing room!

So this is what I've been doing today. And now I'm off to bed to try and catch up on a bit of sleep!

Saturday - I think it's Saturday!!!

Yes, well, now I know I'm back at work - did my first night shift since my return, and I must say that it's left me feeling a lot more tired than I remember being! I slept reasonably well when I got home, but I've been feeling hungry all day - night shifts really seem to knock eating patterns for six. But I've had enough of going on about food for now and don't intend to let loose on that one again for a while!

However in my semi-conscious haze, I've just been watching some dreadful programe on Channel 4. It was called Queen Camilla, and it's very hard to tell what exactly the objective of this was - to warn us that there's a Prince of Wales organised campaign to persuade us that she should become queen, complete with eulogies from 'friends'. Either that, or an expose of this 'campaign' complete with personal reminders of exactly why we shouldn't be falling for it. This programme went so far as to suggest that Camilla 'vetted' Diana, and pushed her forward as the ideal candidate for him to marry. This was done, the programme suggested, 'in the interersts of the monarchy', as well as in her own interests, as Camilla 'felt' that Diana was so young and so innocent a person as to allow her to continue her own role in Charles' life with no obstruction. It also went on to suggest that it was already known that Charles would not be able to 'cope' with marriage - dear God, if he couldn't cope with it, why in the name of God did he ever marry the girl? More than that, just suspend your disbelief for a moment, and pretend that this might actually be true. It posits Camilla as some sort of eminance grise behind Charles, one who picked out a young and vulnerable girl, as a form of disposable figurehead. And this person, someone capable of doing such a thing, is considered fit to be a princess consort, let alone a Queen???

Ok, so assume position two, that this is a figment of someone's imagination, and not at all true. This appears to be the position of the 'pro-Camilla as Queen' Campaign, and that she is as much a victim of circumstances as Diana was, one who has a happy ending to her fairy story, and who will be a silent and appeasing, non-controversial figure happy to assume a supporting role in Charles' life. In this version, Camilla is essential to Charles' happiness, and in fact plays a mediative role, smoothing over the worst excesses of our 'Prince', the one who has no problem with elites, and who presumably plots coups d'etat amidst the plant houses. The problem with this is that if you accept this, then you have to assume that Charles is indeed some kind of personal monster, a highly dangerous figure who has to have this woman to control his outbursts and opinions when he is destined for a constitutional position where he is not supposed to have any. This petulant creature marries an innocent (and remember she's an eighteen year old girl, whatever Diana became at the time of the marriage you could not doubt that that child was an innocent) and then discards her when the life he's forced her into turns her into the creature that she was at the time of the divorce.

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter which of these takes on the stories you believe. They're as bad as each other. Both of them have only one salient point to them - in both versions, Charles is unfit for the throne. This whole business about whether Camilla will or will not become Queen is an irrelevancy, when the relevant question is Is Charles Fit To Be King. Bear in mind that this is a man who has to have someone to put the toothpaste on his toothbrush and God only knows whatever else. In this day and age, can we really put up with these anachronisms any longer? We should have an act of parliament passed now, quickly before it becomes an issue, to say that when the present Queen passes on, that the monarchy will be removed from any constitutional position. People keep on saying how much of an asset they are to the tourist industry. Fine, let's have them out there every day, dressed up to the nines, riding in a carriage up and down the Mall. We could have coronation re-enactments every Wednesday between 11 - 2. There could be a lottery you could enter to take on the role of Archbish of Cantab, or carry Camilla's skirt. In fact, we could franchise them out to Disney, and that'd save us the tax contribution. Just make absolutely sure that the crown jewels go off to the treasury, and not into someone's suitcase.

Thursday 7th June 07

Well I've clearly got the blog bug this week - no bad thing!

I've just been watching the G8 conference news - they're announcing some kind of 'major agreement' on climate change. Sounds to me as if they've all sat there in the room, done a lot of mouthing of great words no doubt, and come up with a bit fat zero. I don't care how much 'agreement' they announce. Until they agree to dates, amounts, and a means by which they're going to achieve it, they are paddling the rest of us down one hell of a mucky river in a canoe that's leaking like a colander. Absolutely you can't do anything until you bring China and India into it, but exactly what efforts are they making to do that? Frankly there will never be a solution to this until we give up this daft idea of nation states, and settle down to a federated globe, one where essentially each 'nation' has a single vote, and the minority agree to abide by a majority vote. Individual parliaments can control all of speed laws and tax laws that they like, but on global issues like climate change, something has to be done, and whilst certain parties sit there and refuse to do anything until you include countries that they don't appear to give the time of day to, then frankly I suppose the rest of us had better get on with it. Then at least as we're all either drowning, frozen to death or blasted out by desserts appearing on the Quantocks, we can at least have the satisfaction of saying we told you so. Well I'm sure you get the idea.

So.. food. Yep it's obsessing me right now. I am trying to get myself into a frame of mind where I can start a reducing diet. I was actually talking about it at work today, which is quite a new development. There was only the three of us, and I thought it was interesting how my colleagues took subtly different approaches. Colleague A was proposing the psychological approach - was it my childhood/parents/family attitude that caused the problem? Colleague B was head on you've got to exercise more. Both of them are right of course. But I did feel ever so slightly - I don't know how to put it, not browbeaten or anything like that. We're talking about nice women here who wouldn't browbeat a fly! Just - actually, really like I was running out of excuses. Now isn't that interesting? Colleague B isn't the worlds most active individual, but she cycles to work, and wants to know why I couldn't. Actually that really is a non-starter - I have very little sense of balance, and am tottery on two feet from time to time. I'd be under the wheels of a lorry in no time! But I did think what the hell, I could get off the bus the stop before the one that I need to get off at. Particularly coming home - given the state of my legs right now, I'd not make it to work if I did it on the way to work! I will say that I did use the stairs at work more than I normally would - points there I think, but I got the bus home with a friend, and another acquaintance got onto the bus on the way home. I couldn't have got off to walk ahead of my stop without giving offence, so I excuse myself from that at least. Tomorrow I'm doing a night shift, so I have the day to myself - I have to go post a packet to a customer, so that's good for a walk. Perhaps I'll take the camera with me, and go on a photo stroll.

Food wise, I've had a funny day so far. I had hard boiled egg sandwiches and a few crisps for lunch - not a single biscuit has passed my lips, which is good. Supper has been a bacon sandwich - I cannot bring myself to throw good food away. Wholemeal bread, and no butter, so I think that's not as bad as it could be. I have found what looks to be quite a good website for diets etc, and I'm going to sign up for their programme. I was impressed by their menu plans which seemed to be very sensible. Oh, I've also had a good couple of glasses of cranberry and pomegranate juice, and a few cups of coffee. One thing that we did seem to agree on at the office was that I should keep a food diary. I think that if I have a good look at what I am eating, when, and where I'm eating it, I may be able to draw some conclusions. Perhaps I should also keep a note of when I actually feel hungry as well. But I can't face the idea of starting to weigh food. I don't eat big portions of things - well not everyday food at any rate, but perhaps I'm wrong there, and I should weigh and measure. It makes the heart sink. I don't have any scales, and I'm sure if I did, my heart would just sink. Perhaps next payday I'll go buy myself some scales. It does strike me as a good idea to actually set a date to start dieting from, to eat up most of my bad food in the meantime so that it's gone and out of temptations reach. And to keep that diary.

You see I think at the end of the day that I'm very comfortable being big. It's safe. It's always been safe, it keeps me out of harms' way. In the past I've done an awful lot of thinking about this, and I have some very good ideas about why I am the way I am. This may sound like quite a whinge fest, but I'm very intelligent, and an awful lot of people are very frightened of someone who's intelligent, and unafraid of speaking their mind. I've often thought to be thin and attractive on top of that would simply be too much. I've had to spend so much of my life dodging people's jealousies, and envy - learning how to appease them so that they'll talk to me. I'm not ducking the issue - I've had to learn how to be very upfront about speaking out at times because if I didn't get pro-active about it, I would never speak. People don't seem to instinctively like me - does that seem odd? It's just that I frighten them. If you knew anyone who knew me, they would tell you I'm just alarming, and I don't seem to be able to control it. It's hard to reign in your thinking to a speed most people operate at, and my mouth runs off at time. When someone's said something that you think is well, stupid, it's hard not to just react! Brains run at their own speed, think about when you're playing a game, and you have to try to answer a question quickly! It's hard! You get tense and tetchy, especially if it's some kind of exam where the response counts. For me, it's like how do I lock down my mouth and stop that instant response that's coming out like a sneeze, and yet at the same time I'm thinking I must say something, anything, be part of this!

I think at the end of the day it's because that's how we were brought up - these incredible arguments and fights that would go on. You either said something, anything, and became part of it, or the juggernaut rolled over you and left you crushed and metaphorically bleeding on the floor. People - the family - knew exactly where to place the needle they were going to drive into the most tender part of you. The mouth was the only armour you had, and you learnt to place it strategically and ram it home before anyone else did it to you. Personally I called it the dialectical method of child rearing. At the end of the day, food was comfort and safety and security. It never shouted, it never hurt, it only felt good. So in a sense, food became my lover before I even knew what that was - it was too late for me by maybe eight or so years old. The pattern was set and ingrained - it was the first thing I sought when I came in at night, and the last thing I looked for before I went to bed. Personally, I seem to be deeply lacking in self control, never learnt it as a child, and now as an adult it may be too late. But I suppose since I am still capable of thinking in this way, perhaps it's not too late just yet. If one can think, one is capable of learning - it's just a very hard lesson that's all.

6th June 2007

Well I've had a bit more relaxing a day today than I had over the weekend! I went over to Winsley to see the family - Mum was having a bit of a difficult day. But all was well in the end and we had a great lunch. I'd boiled up a few tins of condensed milk a few days ago, and took a couple with me, so I whipped up a banoffee pie for pudding. Considering I put it together in about ten minutes, it came out really well, and I'm only sorry I didn't bring some home with me as a good bit was left.

Still they'll finish it tonight, and I'm supposed to be loosing weight.

Yes. I am supposed to be loosing weight. Frankly, dieting is not my favourite thing to do - is it anyone's? But I was good, we had salad and a bit of pork pie for lunch, and for dinner this evening, I've had a bacon and egg (yes, yes, I know this isn't diet food!) with lots of tomato's. Frankly, for me, to loose weight, the key is increase the vegetable and fruit content of my diet. I've also done some small salient things - low fat spread for the bread rather than butter, less sugar in my tea. And I'm upping the veg. For instance, the other day I had pipperade for supper - this is a lovely omelette-y sort of supper, you frizzle up a bit of onion, some garlic, and lots of peppers in a pan, and then throw in a couple of eggs. Cook it gently, give it a stir every now and again, and you get a lovely eggy mess - you've got to use more than one colour of sweet pepper here. And you're aiming to get your onion to a nice white transparency, not a hint of colour. You only need a tiny dab of fat to do this, just toss in a few spoonsful of boiled water, and pop the lid on and sweat them down. You don't put the eggs in until all of the water has evaporated, and there is a low fat high veg very tasty supper. Yesterday I ate a cheese sandwich for lunch - low fat spread, granary bread, grated cheese so you don't need too much, and with it I had a coleslaw of carrot and apple. Mum used to make this for us when we were kids, and I still like it today - it's a great way of getting fresh raw vegetable and fruit into a kids diet, and frankly any adult who's not too keen on vegetable eating. You grate the apple very coarsly, and you need one of those hard apples - a Braeburn, Golden Delicious or whatever, I had a very green Granny Smiths, which I don't normally buy, but I haven't had one for quite a while, and every now and again, one of those crisp hard apples is just what you fancy. Anyhow, you grate the carrot very finely. They both give off a lot of juice, but don't worry about that, but a fine and coarse grate seems to mix better. If you try to grate the apple finely, it will disappear into a pulp. Add a tiny bit of mayonaise - very tiny if it's the full fat stuff, a bit more if you're on the light version, and mix it together. The juice makes the dressing more liquid and it gives better coverage, so you get a nice fresh salad.

For supper, I had chicken livers with onion and garlic with rice. I'd bought the livers on Monday, and had them in the fridge soaking in milk. This removes the bitterness that chicken livers can have. I gave them a good wash, and a trim - remove all of the fatty bits. Chop them up small, and sweat off the onions and garlic. When they've turned soft and transparent, toss in the small bits of liver. Serve it on boiled rice - or make a nice rice with bits if you like. If I'd had them to hand, I'd have put some fresh peas through the rice, and maybe added a few mushrooms to the livers. Oh yes, and I forgot, the mustard. When the livers are reaching the end of the cooking, add a good tablespoon full of mustard. Dijon is best for this. It makes the most wonderful sauce for the livers.

Anyhow to make up for my nasty remarks about Virgin, I've got some cutie photo's here from my trip to Winsley!

This is a bee on a flower outside the Burger King by the bus stop - I whipped out my camera and there he is, rolling in pollen on what I think may be a dog rose!

This is Jacob, and Pogle, whispering together in the garden. Actually they aren't whispering at all, Jacob is clearly demonstrating his subordinate position to the boss cat by grooming him. Pogle is quite a bit younger than Jake, so he was very bossed about by Jake as a kitten. Now Pogle is big and sleek and in his prime, whereas Jake is a bit old and arthritic - so positions have changed. But it still looks like they're having a good old gossip in the garden doesn't it?!

Monday 4th June

Well I've just had one of the most frustrating weekends of my life! About eleven thirty in the morning there was a sudden click from the living room when I was in the kitchen and when I got back into the living room, my internet connection was gone. Just gone. No green lights on the modem, no response or change when I re-booted - just gone.
So I phone Virgin, who have replaced Telewest. This was the first phonecall of many, because a) they couldn't get anyone out to fix it before Monday, b) they couldn't tell me whether it was a local fault or a fault on my equipment - it was a nightmare. And worse, I had no idea how addicted I've become to this thing. I was positively itchy without it. It was like every few minutes I'd think, oh I'll just do that, and no, I've no computer to do it on. And what was worst of all was the hope! They'd put me on some sort of emergency call out list, so I couldn't go anywhere, or do anything that would take my mind off it, because I had to stay home in case they came - and god knows whether if I had gone anywhere and they had come, they would have charged me a call out charge for not being there! As it was, I didn't even see an engineer - I had a phonecall from a person who said that the engineer had found the fault and was fixing it, and because it was in the box at the bottom of the road, I never saw an engineer.

Anyhow, after all this, I went to Sainsbury's and just as well, cos by now I'm running low on food. So I go to Sainsbury's and at the checkout, the kid there says well how was your weekend - and I said, because he seemed like a nice kid, you know, stuck at home, waiting for the engineer people - and what does he say to me? He says you know I've done nothing but hear people complain about Virgin today. And he's right. Everyone I know is complaining about this company. Their service is rotten, if you break down, they've got no engineers to fix things, and yet when my stuff broke down when Telewest were around, they got someone out that day. I couldn't believe I had to wait four days for help to fix my stuff. And what do they do about this? They spend ever couple of minutes on the phone apologising, endless, endless apologies, totally meaningless. There's no feeling behind these apologies, they don't know me, they don't see me on a face to face basis. When these people - perfectly nice, reasonable people I'm sure, probably educated to way beyond any level needed in call centre, can't tell me anything about the automated message that's been told to me at the start of the call - the message that says there's an issue in BS7 - BS9, and are telling me that there are no reports of any issues in the Bristol area, when the damn system has just been telling me all about it, yes I have a problem. Exactly how I kept my temper with all this I don't know, and in fact, I'm pretty sure on occasions I didn't, there was a girl who appeared to be in Yorkshire I think, who was the most obstreporous, rude worker I've ever spoken to..! And can't someone tell these people to stop apologising? Please please, stop! I don't need fifty apologies, I need an engineer, I need someone to take what I'm saying seriously, I need action not excuses! Why should we have to put up with poor service like this? I'm paying these people a lot of money! And they respond by apologising. Just endless meaningless futile apologies.

PS (6th June 07)
I've edited this a bit, because I blew off steam at people who aren't really responsible for what happend. So if it's different from when you first read it, that's why!