17th June 2004
It's gone midnight, and I've been veging out for a couple of hours, but I'm.. hungry. I have never managed to get a lock on whatever it is in my brain that correlates diet with hunger. I'm not actually hungry, I tell myself, I just want to eat something. I find myself fantasising about things like jam sandwiches, which I wouldn't touch in a month of Sundays, and this afternoon I almost binged out on rice cakes - if one hadn't been revoltingly overly-salty, I would have ended up eating half the packet. Perhaps the over- salted one was added by the manufacturer in the knowledge they were saving someone from a binge.
Actually I have to admit I really like rice cakes. There's something about the texture of them that seems, well, ok, sponge like, and I'm not talking about the variety that comes with buttercream and sugar. Did you not suck the water out of sponges when you were very small? I'm afraid to say that I did, and what's more I quite liked it!
Back to the diet. I have actually lost some weight, just not this week. However, last week I lost 5 lbs, which I think is probably enough to be satisfied with in a fortnight. I would like to loose this weight both hopefully for some time to come (let's not be over-optimistic here! No stupid promises like forever!) and well, loose it too fast and its a sure thing that I'm trying to do this too fast, and eating too little and will end up going off the deep end in a fast food joint or something. So 5lb over a fortnight is ok, it's a substantial loss. Thing is, well, I'm not too sure that I'm actually sticking to this that well. Take today for example. I had the smoothie for breakfast, still love those things, then tuna salad (with no dressing!) for lunch, and tonights dinner was chicken breast - all 4 oz of it, roasted - ha! roasted. Wrapped in foil and baked in the oven - I had to tart it up with something, so I rubbed lemon zest and black pepper all over it, so yes it did have a bit of flavour. I steamed the veg - carrots, potato and green cabbage, and I finished off with a cherry low fat yoghurt. I had an apple a bit later - it's the snacks that get me, because as I think I mentioned last time, come four, five o'clock I want tea and something. Something today was supposed to be two rice cakes and a teaspoonful of peanut butter. I ended up having four slices of wholemeal toast. Am I freaking out where there's no need to freak at all? God only knows. We'll see if I loose anything this week, and if not, well I shall need to do something. It's not like I'm stuffing myself full of chocolate or stuff like that. And that has to be an improvement.
Apart from this life this week has consisted of football and miracles. I take down my miracle records - for the database that my dissertation will be based on, and I listen half heartedly to the football. I have to admit, I did actually stop with the miracles to actually sit and watch Spain get decimated this afternoon - firstly because frankly it was so unusual, and secondly because Fernando Torres has a new hairdo that makes him look pale and interesting. I couldn't quite make out if this was actually his real hair colour, or he's a strange natural mouse blonde. Whatever, he's got a very good hairdresser. I hear the voices of my brothers rumbling in the background, enough with the fashion critique, what about the football? Yes.. mm. I think a lot of people are saying that at the moment. I have yet to see a match that has really caught fire. I did see the North Korean man weep, allegedly with pride at representing his country, but couldn't help wonder if partly it was down to fear at what would happen to them if they lost. I thought Gerrard was just brilliant. I don't care what Franz however you spell it thinks about it, but I did think they weren't anywhere near as bad as the media are currently making them out to be. I'm afraid I was a big Gerrard supporter when the whole captainship thing was an issue in the first place, and I hope he goes on to show why he should have been appointed in the first place. Ok, the whole court thing was a bit dodgy, but hell, over and done with now. I like to see Liverpool men do well. Nothing to do with the fact that I'd take MU over Chelsea anyday, but well, family and all that. We have connections to Liverpool and I always like to see them do well. Well shod of Raffa too I think.
Ok, now to steer myself away from the controversial opinionated bit.. miracles. I've got a whole pile waiting to be input into the database, but it's come time to do the test querying bit. In fact I really should be taking the instruction manual to bed with me to try and figure out how I do it, but I think that's pushing it a bit and I'll leave it till tomorrow morning. It's going to take me forever anyway. And if that wasn't enough, the blasted vpn client went corrupt on me again last night, what is it that makes a perfectly straightforward program that worked last week suddenly stop working when you've done nothing to it? God only knows.
What else? I have the date for my jury service come through. July - so at least it will all be over and done with before next term starts. Alas, the law will prevent me from including any juicy details, so you can expect to hear a lot about sitting around and waiting for things to happen I expect. I've applied for a couple of new jobs, but heard nothing as yet - one I definitely don't expect to hear anything from as it's with the Scottish Ballet, and I expect they will be flooded out with hot young marketing grads. Still as I keep telling myself, experience might just count for something. Its Friends marketing, that sort of thing, and it's been a long time since I last passed through a stage door. Still we can cross our fingers and hope.
Ah well, the witching hour has come and gone and at least I no longer feel hungry. I'm off to bed!
