Sunday 5th September

God but this possible may, or may not have a job is giving me kittens. For all those of you who've been reading my FB updates, maybe I'm being too optimistic here, and I'll try to explain why I feel this way.
Firstly, this is a very good job - for a student at any rate. The other thing is it's only a temp job until Christmas, which is actually not too bad, because they employ lots of people and there's always a good chance that something a bit more permanent might turn up. Which is sort of why I'm quite keen on getting it. But...
Ok, so Friday I had to go to this assessment day thing - turned out it was only a morning, we had to take a mountain of paperwork with me, so much ID stuff that I was almost crazed before I set off. Birth certificate, passport (I only have an old out of date one) photo id, utility bill, so much stuff I had to pack it into a folder to make sure none of it got lost. Then, before I went, I had to try and figure out where the place was, which wasn't as simple as you'd think it was.
Yep, went on to google, and used the street view bit, but it was the address that was screwy, they reckoned they were at an "X square" rather than "X street". The street was on the map alright, but not a sign of the square anywhere to be seen, and I was virtually marching up and down there for hours. Turns out the square is the address of a multi storey car park behind the building that they're actually in. I had to even ring them up for instructions it was so peculiar. And given this, I decided I'd set off in plenty of time to ensure I arrived in good time (they said in their email turn up at least 15 minutes early to fill out the forms...!) Happily there was a coffee bar sort of over the road, but my God I won't be going there again in a hurry, it was the worst decaff Americano I've ever had.
Anyhow I get there, with my forms, paperwork - I forgot to tell you, I was supposed to fill out an application form before I got there, and I'd done this, took me two hours but I'd got a really nicely word processed variety. Only when I arrived, and opened my folder of paperwork, thinking I was going to be able to blind them with my efficiency, it turned out I'd picked up the blank copy that I'd printed off and not filled in!!! Talk about - well, showing yourself up to the worst possible advantage. And they were so insistent about it! I had to sit there and try and fill it in from memory, which frankly is not my strong suite - but I eventually persuaded them I'd email the finished copy as soon as I got home, which I did and called them to ensure they had received it. Anyhow, having done that I then had to fill out the form for the disclosure stuff - this is where you get your (lack of) police record checked. This I have no problem with, beyond that I put my old address down on it first, and my current address underneath that, which I didn't think would matter, but they insisted that I re-do it, the right way around.
By this time, I was getting a touch flumoxed I'll admit. In fact, I think I was slightly past caring, thinking I've made such a stuff up of this, it doesn't really matter what I do at the assessment itself. At any rate, it wasn't too bad at all, no interview as such, no the only time their people talked to me it was about bloody paperwork - it was sit in a group with all the other people applying, and chat about pre-recorded calls from this helpline, and say what we thought was good about them, and what was bad. Oddly enough, one thing I found really quite useful for this was the various times when post graduate teaching has cropped up on the agenda, and we've been roundly told that post grads are the worlds worst markers, because they're so harsh. So I was actually specifically looking for the hidden good stuff, and I think that came across a bit. Besides, I have to admit, I hate being negative about everything, you've got to find a positive to end with.
So we did this, and I feel I did quite well. They were really tight about keeping us to deadlines, and there were three calls, one we had to crit on forms, one we had to discuss between ourselves (being listened to) and one we had to 'present', or rather one poor girl had to present, which I felt was a bit, well, odd. There was no time to discuss who was going to do this, the girl who was sitting nearest to the board had to do it, and we had no time to write down headings or anything like that, it was just simply there you are get on with it. I can distinctly recall making a pest of myself by telling them we didn't have enough time for the finicky bits, we have to move on to the next, so I guess I was sort of timekeeper woman. Again, all the presentation stuff in RRSH came in useful here, and I must remember to tell Mark! Given the mess I made of my dissertation presentation, I think he'll be pleased to know I did at least take in the salient points.
So having done all this, we had an English test - I'm sorry to say I found this a bit of a doddle, I must've finished it 5 minutes before everyone else, and I have to say that I think that's an age thing. You just know stuff as you get older, and you don't have to faff around thinking a, b or c. You just know it's c, and there's no need to worry about whether it could conceivably be a, because a is plain wrong.
At any rate, then it was off to have your paperwork interrogated, or in my case, my lack of paperwork, and then off home. The funny thing was when I left, I started to feel so sick - really quite physically sick, as if I'd been bottling up all of the stress and tension etc - this really isn't like me at all. I had to go and have a sit down and another cup of coffee, and I was thinking about it, and it's my belief that it's taking me so long to find a job that no matter what people say to me, I'm totally stressed out about it. I'm financially strung out, and all the psychological terror that accompanies that is getting a bit too much for me. So - I shall be inordinately pleased if I do get this job, but it's down to references and the disclosure check. I'm not worried about that at all, happily I know I have no criminal records etc, but references? Ee-yuck is all I can say, I'm not at all sure about them. We all know how bad the 'reference' was I got from a certain someone, who when I asked for one I could show to people, constructed one that was extraordinarily peculiar and left me feeling I should slash my throat now, because for sure I was never going to work again. So I'm kind of feeling very ambiguous about this. Which is why I'm not to sure that I will actually get this job, and that I may well end up back at square one, and in real trouble because then I'll know I've got a problem with that specific reference, and what the hell will I be able to do about it? It's hard, particularly when you know that you've given time, and trouble and sheer effort in the job, and gone to a lot of trouble to be helpful and offer cover for when people are off, and stuff like that. And it's even harder when you know that you could have done so much more, if you'd been ever asked to have undertaken some kind of task or what have you. At least that's how I feel about it. My guess is that I make some people very nervous, and I've got my own views as to why that is. But what the hell, I'm not at 'back to square one' yet, fingers crossed eh?